Maternity Leave: Expectation vs. Reality

maternity leave what to expect reality expectations how long should it take off

Maternity leave expectation – a whole year off work!

Before I finished work to have my boy, I had this image of what maternity leave would be like. Basically a whole year off of work, time to relax, shop, meet friends and have fun with my new baby ! I had images of lunches with girlfriends and meeting a whole new crowd of mum friends.

The reality was very different haha!

I spent the first 3 months moping about, feeling sore, hormonal and sorry for myself. I mourned my old life for ages too. And then I spent a lot of time feeling guilty. Did you take maternity leave? Was it the best time ever or did you find it hard going?

maternity leave expectations and realities for new mums

Don’t get me wrong, I had plenty of fun times but the reality was much different to what I had envisaged in my head. Being a mum was hard and I felt like I was doing everything wrong, all the time. And there are only so many mum, baby and cat selfie photos people want to see on Facebook.

maternity leave reality versus expectations how to make the most of maternity leave baby birth mum pnd

Here is my month by month breakdown of how maternity leave panned out for me:

Month 1

This was a funny time because on the one hand I felt I should be feeling super happy. I’d just had a healthy baby boy! But on the other hand I felt so bloody exhausted and spent most days walking around in a complete sleep-deprived haze. Mr d was with me for the first three weeks and that definitely made things easier but it was such a huge change to our lifestyle and everything I’d ever known. For a recollection of our first pub lunch out, check out my new mum story here! Pooplosions and all.

maternity leave reality versus expectations how to make the most of maternity leave baby birth mum pnd

Month 2

I still spent most of the second month walking about in pj’s and looking at the clock to see if mr d would be home from work. It was August so all the regular baby clubs and children centre groups were closed for summer holidays. I felt lonely, tired, hormonal and bored for the majority of summer 2013. One of my super happy, positive mum friends did a good job getting me to leave the house, but trust me, I didn’t want to. Having to faff with the pram, the car seat and changing nappies out and about just sounded so exhausting, that most times I’d prefer to stay home.

maternity leave reality versus expectations how to make the most of maternity leave baby birth mum pnd
Bloody pram

Month 3

The golden third month. My mate, let’s call her L, the super happy bouncey one, kept telling me it all gets easier at the three month mark. Hmm, the magic three months came and went. Not an awful lot changed! For either of us! I still felt crap and had no bloody idea what I was doing. The little man seemed happy enough though!

maternity leave reality versus expectations how to make the most of maternity leave baby birth mum pnd

Month 4

October and finally the little man started sleeping better at night. We dropped our 3-4am feed and we’d manage to get a good sleep from around 11pm to 6am which really really helped. It is amazing how much sleep deprivation mucks you up, physically and mentally. I’d read this article on how sleep deprivation can shorten life expectancy and this really started stressing me out.

I was also worried about the amount of money I’d spent on Amazon at 3am. On items and various bits of crap that promised my baby would sleep through the night. You can read more about my useless baby items here. I also became obsessed with wool and making crochet blankets.

maternity leave reality versus expectations how to make the most of maternity leave baby birth mum pnd

At month 4, I started venturing out – baby sensory and the under 1’s stay and play groups at the children centres. I actually started meeting other mums. Mums you could natter with in Costa – over my extortionately pricey sparkling water (I don’t drink coffee). That was fine with me though, it was simply something to do to waste time before Mr d got home.

Month 5

November consisted of baby groups most week. I tried to go to something every day just to keep myself busy. I found if I sat at home, I’d easily get bored and start feeling down and fed up. We started weaning b at around 5 months too so prepping purees and all that malarkey took up quite a bit of time. As you can see, he really enjoyed his tea:

maternity leave reality versus expectations how to make the most of maternity leave baby birth mum pnd

Month 6

December was fast upon us and I spent most baby groups making Christmas cards. I’m sure poor b was sick of having his hands and feet dipped in paint. Christmas should have been super magical and all lovely – in my “everything needs to be perfect mum head”. The reality was different. B projectile vommed all over me on Christmas day, he had a high temp and we spent the entire day worried and panicked. We ended up at the A&E Christmas day night. Fun times. B was just fine and it was a case of first-time-parentitus.

Month 7

Once Christmas was out of the way, I continually had that Sunday night feeling. Work was always on my mind and I started worrying about nursery and other things that really didn’t need to be worried about so much. We planned our first family holiday abroad too – Lanzarote for a week in May before I returned to work. Exciting times ahead!

maternity leave reality versus expectations how to make the most of maternity leave baby birth mum pnd
Post Christmas toy collection

Month 8

February and my bubba is 8 months old this month. We are crawling and on the move and long gone are those quiet Costa mornings. Every stay and play is now spent stood up and trying to prevent my baby from getting into mischief. We were also very busy cutting teeth and b got his first tooth come through just before Valentines. I remember it well because I’d been struck down with a nasty cold and felt horrific for days.

maternity leave reality versus expectations how to make the most of maternity leave baby birth mum pnd

Month 9

My first Mother’s day and we spent it down on the seafront. It was a super sunny day and this is one of the pictures mr d took of me and b.

maternity leave reality versus expectations how to make the most of maternity leave baby birth mum mothers day mom mommy

Month 10

April saw Easter come and go and various more baby groups. I also started planning for our holiday! I also became obsessed with dog poo. Dog poo left outside the entrance to my bloody house. It used to wind me up no end and I spent many days contacting the council and plotting how I could catch offenders. It pissed me off sooooo much though.

maternity leave reality versus expectations how to make the most of maternity leave baby birth mum mothers day mom mommy

Month 11

We had our family holiday. It was…interesting. Let’s just say we spent a lot of time at the hotel doctor surgery, trying to figure out various Spanish terms for anti-biotics, fever and chest infections. Fun times. I can’t say it was the most relaxing holiday – but when are any holidays now?

maternity leave reality versus expectations how to make the most of maternity leave baby birth mum mothers day mom mommy

Although this photo doesn’t look like it, the little guy was really good on the plane. I stressed so much that he would be a horror but he completely surprised me.

And after our holiday, well straight back to work. You can read how I prepared for work here. And it wasn”t all bad after all! I actually like being a working mum and you can read why, here!

The year had gone and it hadn’t really felt like I’d had time off or that I’d particularly made the most of it. I’d spent most days moping about and feeling sorry for my tired self.

maternity leave expectations and realities for new mums

I don’t know what I expected from maternity leave. It was the longest period off work I’d ever had. Mr d kept telling me to enjoy it because, before I knew it, it would be over. I cant really say I overly enjoyed it though.

The first 4 months were spent feeling crap and worrying that everything I did was wrong. I also massively over worried small things. Things like parking the car, and sorting the pram and I became obsessed with things that didn’t need obsessing about – dog poo and whether our bin had been emptied or not. Basically everything was a big deal when it needn’t have been. In a lot of ways I regret worrying so much for most of my maternity leave. I wish I’d just relaxed and enjoyed it all a bit more!

Did you take time off when you had your little one? How did you find it?

maternity leave what to expect reality expectations how long should it take off

92 comments

  1. Maternity leave isn\’t all fun and games, it can be quite stressful. If it makes you feel any better our little lady is three now and she has spent two christmas days in hospital and one birthday with gastro. She seems to save up all illnesses for the festive period 🙁

  2. Beautiful report! I don\’t know how I would have coped without my maternity leaves, I was so sleep deprived, I would have been a very lousy employer and a danger on the roads!

  3. I can relate to the 3am Amazon sessions! at 7 and a half months old Piglet is only just starting to sleep through the night. The spending gets unreal #kcacols

  4. I had a sort of \”natural\” maternity leave – I had my daughter on the last day of Year 2 of uni, and then started year 3 in the September, so a four and a half month maternity leave without being paid for it haha! It was a bit of a blur of adjusting to parenthood really, but I did like going back to uni afterwards. Thanks for sharing your maternity leave experience! #KCACOLS

  5. I had 11 months off when I had Little L. I found I had a fear of staying in so I went out most days: shopping, visiting friends and family and Daddy at work. Staying in sent me insane, and my son seemed happier out. As he got older the lunches became play dates coz he didn\’t have the attention span! #KCACOLS

  6. My other half had a love hate relationship with her mat leave! Lots of good days but lots of bad days too! Definitely not always as idyllic as people assume it will be! #KCACOLS

  7. I can\’t remember much about my mat leave, I think it was the lack of sleep, my daughter woke 2 -3 times as least each night until she was about 18 months old. I had all sorts of ideas about my mat leave and none of them panned out, I am sure it\’s because I had no idea about children and babies haha. #KCACOLS

  8. My mum stayed with my husband and I for the first month after I gave birth and it was an insane help. She would look after our son every morning so we could get a few extra hours. It was a bit hard once she left though hahah #KCACOLS

  9. I had a year off plus a few months with my son because I decided to leave my old job and search for a new one. The time off was difficult. Always trying to make sure the baby is happy, entertained etc. It isn\’t as \”magical\” as people make it out to be. Despite the challenges I\’m very lucky I had the time though and wouldn\’t trade it for anything. #kcacols

  10. This sounds just like my first and second maternity my third I had no choice to get up and out as my second was only 13mths. So i guess my third I learnt how to sleep standing to cope with the lack of sleep at night. Great post. #KCACOLS

  11. I had my first baby almost 21 years ago and you only had 14 weeks and 6 of that was on full pay! I have to be honest I would have cracked up If it had been any longer, I loved my baby, but I also longed to be just me again and not just a mum. I went back part time and so found a good balance of baby and me time. I was 21 myself so somehow just coped with working and no sleep! I take my hats off to older mums with babies, I cant cope looking after myself now on no sleep, let alone a tiny human! #KCACOLS

  12. The idea of maternity leave and how it actually pans out is very different! Mine is rapidly passing by and I know I\’ll regret not having done more with it when I go back to work! #kcacols

  13. Seeing my sister with her 11 month old and 2 year old reminds me of the sleep deprivation I suffered 9 years ago now, with youngest. You actually wondered how you managed to not fall asleep on them and crush them during night feeds. I imagined maternity leave to be a lot rosier too. You really do need that time off just to keep your head above water. Thanks for sharing. #kcacols

  14. I can totally relate to this especially the first few months. It\’s not as easy as you hope or think it might be and I hated that difficult first few months I really struggled. I am glad you\’ve shared a realistic account xxx #KCACOLS

  15. I only had proper maternity leave the first time round as I\’m self employed now, but it definitely wasn\’t a year off! It was lovely though and I wish I\’d made more of it too! #KCACOLS

  16. Really loved this post! I can relate to those first few months being the hardest, everyone kept telling me \”It gets easier\” And it DID get easier eventually. The lack of sleep was the absolute worst but it was all worth it in the end! #KCACOLS

  17. Maternity leave is pretty hard work too isnt it. I loved going back to work to see others but missed the feel and smell of my little ones. The sleepless nights are lovely to leave behind:)
    Mainy

    #KCACOLS

  18. I think I was the opposite to your on my first maternity leave. I loved the first few months but hated the last 3-4. My daughter seemed to be VERY demanding all of a sudden, I was pregnant again and running around after her (she went straight from nothing to running held up by me for 3 months). I\’m on maternity leave again now with my now 2 year old and 5 month old. The first 3 months were tough. Both not really sleeping, not knowing what safe places to go to where I could feed the baby while trying to keep a toddler entertained (parks in the summer were a danger zone) and I was just angry through lack of sleep all the time. My baby still doesn\’t go through the night yet, I\”m up twice giving him milk, but I\’m feeling generally more relaxed now. So two maternity leaves, both completely different. #KCACOLS

  19. I agree that the first part of maternity leave is crap. Both you and baby have no real idea what is going on and you feel like crap. It looks like you had some good times in there too x
    #KCACOLS

  20. The birth of a new baby is never easy for mummy and from what I\’ve experienced with my partner and it\’s regards to maternity leave, she suffered in the same way. I remember she once cried because she forgot we ran out of coffee (at two in the morning) #KCACOLS

  21. I\’m a sahm so no maternity leave, just permanently here. I think when you have a deadline you put yourself under so much pressure to be enjoying it but being a parent is stressful and not every moment is filled with fun. Sounds like you did make the most of it though with all those groups so don\’t feel too hard on yourself, I\’ve only ever managed one a week. Hope this Christmas is better for you x
    #KCACOLS

  22. I really struggled with maternity leave at first. I couldn\’t get into any sort of routine. I knew people who would be up and out by 9am, at baby classes etc… but my little girl wasn\’t a great sleeper. Sleep deprevation is horrible. It really can mess with you. #kcacols

  23. I love that this post is a journey through that first year- takes me back to when my first born was brand new- I can relate to so many of these stages and realizations.

    #KCACOLS

  24. I don\’t think I had any expectations of maternity leave and from what I can remember (it was a long time ago) it was pretty much the same as yours but you need that time to do nothing and adjust to having a new little person in your life. Christmas in A&E is no fun, I spent the last one there with my 18 year old who thought he broke his ankle falling down the stairs…luckily it was just bruised!

  25. I\’ve been a stay at home mum to both the smalls and still am. They are now almost 6 and 4. 🙂 I do work now though and my daughter is in school. My youngest goes his 15h at the child minder and will start school next year – but I work from home and some times I work weekends – so their dad is with them then. 🙂

    #KCACOLS

  26. Reminds me a lot about my adoption leave, I thought I would love it, but the first few months I was in a daze, like I had been bopped over the head, and raw emotions running through me. I had a year off, probably took about 18 months before things finally settled, that was almost five years ago. All a distant memory now!

  27. I have to say I loved being on maternity leave, probably who I went off 3 times in 4 years. the Triplets were born at Coombe Mill though so there was zero maternity leave with them!

    • Whoops, I hate it when I hit the \”post\” button too soon… Forgot to mention it was nice \”meeting you\” at the linky… #KCACOLS… Ahhh, the sleep deprived baby years… they lead to the sleep deprived teen years. 🙂 Truly, my baby is now 20 and I too feel I spent too much time worrying over things I should never have worried about for the past 20 years. 🙂

  28. I\’m currently on maternity leave. I should be going back to work in about a month but I think I\’ll stay at home. I can\’t imagine leaving Peachy for the whole day. I had diffferent expectations from my maternity leave. I thought this would be my chance to get things done. Yeah, right. I think I\’m more behind than ever. I don\’t know what I was thinking. #KCACOLS

  29. Ahhh, the sleep deprived baby years… they lead to the sleep deprived teen years. 🙂 Truly, my baby is now 20 and I too feel I spent too much time worrying over things I should never have worried about for the past 20 years. 🙂

  30. What a reminder of your first year. I always think the reason maternity leave and long lunches don\’t meet is because mat pay is so bloody rubbish. Baby groups were my saviour – the first month I was happy to just sit and watch TV all day but then Ineeded to get out. #KCACOLS

  31. Haha I am still obsessed with dog poo to this day! Damn dogs! And glass – I am paranoid about glass after an accident I had as a child! Your month 7 is how I felt during my entire maternity leave – I went back to work at 7 months so had childminder sorted at a few weeks, and then just spent the whole time worrying about work, and trying to come up with business ideas that meant I could work from home. I was very distracted for a large proportion of the time which was a shame (particularly as I decided to give it all up and become a SAHM after 6 months back at work)! #KCACOLS

  32. I think everyone spends the first couple months in a dazed, sleep deprived hormonal mess don\’t they?! I know I did! I\’m a stay at home mum so didn\’t really have maternity leave but that first year was definitely a lot harder than I was expecting. I don\’t think you can ever prepare fully for the roller coaster ride of motherhood!xx #KCACOLS

  33. aww pleased youll be home with your boy 🙂 I cant believe how short the maternity is in the States. seems crazy to be back at work so soon!

  34. I wonder how I will be able to deal with that since I become really grumpy now when I don\’t get enough sleep 🙂
    I guess in the end it only matters that your son is healthy and you are a happy family
    #KCAOLS

  35. I only toke 12 weeks off with my 2nd and it definitely wasn\’t enough time, and too soon to go back to work. I wish I\’d had more time with him as a baby, but it was a case of needs must! #KCACOLS

  36. I think it\’s natural to have plans that don\’t come to fruition, and to look back and berate yourself for not achieving more, but in reality, look how much you did achieve! And managing to blog through it! That\’s amazing in itself! #KCACOLS

  37. Aw I love this I can relate to it so much. Maternity leave is nothing like what I expected – especially for the first six months or so. And yes, I remember waiting for the magic three months and nothing changed at all. Having a new baby really is hard work and sleep deprivation gets the better of all of us. Love how much wool you had in month 4!! I\’ve only returned to work full-time recently and think I only really started to relish the days at home with the little one after the first year was over! How ironic. Love the honesty of this x #KCACOLS

  38. Its not necessarily easy to enjoy maternity leave, especially on your first baby. Everything is new and scary and you\’re thrown in to a life you know nothing about. It goes quick and you do miss it eventually but real life again takes over. I wouldnt say my maternity leave was a dream. It was winter and I had PND #KCACOLS

  39. Its not necessarily easy to enjoy maternity leave, especially on your first baby. Everything is new and scary and you\’re thrown in to a life you know nothing about. It goes quick and you do miss it eventually but real life again takes over. I wouldnt say my maternity leave was a dream. It was winter and I had PND #KCACOLS

  40. Its not necessarily easy to enjoy maternity leave, especially on your first baby. Everything is new and scary and you\’re thrown in to a life you know nothing about. It goes quick and you do miss it eventually but real life again takes over. I wouldnt say my maternity leave was a dream. It was winter and I had PND #KCACOLS

  41. I think it tends to be the case that nothing is quite as we planned it to be, after having children! I had about 10 months off with my son, and after the first 6 weeks or so, I seem to remember enjoying it! Then with my daughter I planned to take about 10/11 months off but ended up taking redundancy just when I was due to go back which worked out pretty well in the end. x #KCACOLS

  42. I found it really hard. Arthur was 15 days late and all of my NCT group had their babies over a month (at least) before me – they were all meeting up and getting on with life and I was stuck at home really poorly. I had a 3b tear which made it hard to walk and I\’d lost a lot of blood because of it so was anaemic (although I didn\’t find out until my 6 week check). My son had colic and reflux and cried all the time and I had no sleep. My family all live far away and when Arthur was 2 weeks old my mother in law (in holland) had a massive stroke and my husband had to fly out there to be with her. I just found it all incredibly hard and very lonely! Not sure how I will manage next time to be honest lol #kcacols

  43. What a year. It\’s so nice to be able to round up your year like this. I loved my maternity leave and with Olivia being 5 weeks early it started pretty suddenly. I also managed to pass my driving test whilst on maternity leave too so it was a really productive time for me despite the sleep deprivation. Although it was 10 years ago now so rose tinted glasses and all that 😉 #kcacols

  44. My maternity wasn\’t too bad as luckily my best friend, who lives down my road, had her little girl 3 weeks after I had baby K…yay! So we spent most of our time going for walks or meeting up at each others houses etc. I\’m also very close with my mum, so if I wasn\’t with my BFF I was out and about with mum. I think it would of been different, but it was nice having a friend going through exactly the same thing x #KCACOLS

  45. Ah it\’s pretty hard work isn\’t it – I think I spent the first two months or so in my dressing gown. I found some good baby groups and went to baby yoga and that helped me a lot xx #KCACOLS By the way, your wool stash is epic!

  46. I do like the way the little man is smiling throughout. I\’d love to see some of the Amazon crap you bought at 3am lol.

    I remember those middle of the night online shopping trips!

    #kcacols

        • how old is your little girl? my boy used to sleep really well but since he moved to a toddler bed he faffs soooo much. he wants a drink, needs a wee, poo, tissue, teddy – basically any excuse for not sleeping, he has it. weve tried to be consistent and have a rule that once he is upstairs in his room, that\’s it, no coming back down. the only time we have waived this rule is if he really is poorly. usually I find resettling him with a story sometimes gets him back into bed mode. when he was little, the Ewan Dream sheep helped him settle work. and swaddling did work when he was a bubba but only this blanket we \”stole\” from the hospital :/ we didn\’t mean to, the hubby packed it thinking it was ours. but it was the best blanket ever for swaddling lol!! x

          • She\’s 20 months. Our problem ia she is so active that come 6/7 she cannot stay awake. Then wakes up and hour or two later full of beans. She just won\’t sleep during the day unless she\’s tired. Once she has a nap she can\’t be woken up.

          • She\’s 20 months. Our problem ia she is so active that come 6/7 she cannot stay awake. Then wakes up and hour or two later full of beans. She just won\’t sleep during the day unless she\’s tired. Once she has a nap she can\’t be woken up. Once she stops the naps hopefully we\’ll get a full night out of her.

  47. In some ways I can relate and in some ways I miss it. I started the blog while on maternity leave so I did do something. I found the first 3 months easy and the rest quite hard. #KCACOLS

    Nadia – Scandimummy x

  48. Great post! maternity leave was a complete surprise for me. I remember to saying to someone before it started – I think it will do me good to have 6 months off. When I think of that – I laugh, and I laugh and then maybe I cry a little. I had NO idea what I was in for!! Thanks for sharing

  49. I love the month-by-month of this post! I felt similarly when I was pregnant. I would love your feedback on my latest post about this same topic.
    It focuses on the lack of support for paid maternity and paternity leave in America. I provide my own story with some useful resources and information on paid and unpaid maternity leave and would love your feedback! This is a topic that I am very passionate about and I hope this comes through in my writing.

    https://aladyhoodjourney.wordpress.com/2016/12/05/maternity-leave-in-america-the-story-of-the-struggling-mother/

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